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In an earlier blog; Hit the ball, Drag Harry, I wrote that I was no longer dragging around my version of Harry.  This week I’ve had a new realization; others apparently felt I should not have let Harry go, so they picked him up and keep trying to give him back to me!

At first this stirred up some big emotions, and by doing so, I had another realization. I don’t recall ever feeling such emotions as, anger, frustration, and sadness without a huge portion of hurt being mixed in. Since I dropped Harry off, the hurt part seems to have departed as well.

It’s interesting to feel anger without feeling wounded in some way. It’s weird to feel sadness without thinking, “look what you did to me.” Well, it’s only weird for those of us that have spent many years being wounded or victims or selfish.

I dropped Harry a while back and promised not to pick him up again. I never thought someone else would feel the need to pick him up and give him back. Part of being  free is realizing that’s their choice.  So go ahead, rescue poor Harry. Shove him in the cart with the other Harrys you’ve picked up along the way.  But I gotta say, you can only haul so many Harry’s around before your golf cart will capsize.

There are two sides to all games, the offence and the defense. Too often, there also seems to be two sides to every relationship, conversation and business transaction; there’s an offence and a defense.  It amazes me that there are those so skilled in taking control of the game by playing offence they seem to leave the other side totally confused. Some are so gifted in playing offense they manager to get an entire group of people running around in circles trying to protect each other.

I want to get really good at playing offense. I want to be the one who asks the questions that make the other side run, to stumble all over themselves as they try to explain themselves. And when there is guilt involved, I want to protect the innocent by playing the best offence ever.

I have to remind myself to stop running after the one with the ball, it only keeps me on the defense.  Perhaps by not running, those playing offence will realize the rules have changed and the game has shifted! Maybe I need to begin playing a different game!  Yep, I gotta get better at playing offence!

 

As I entered the airport front entrance, I noticed the line. Twenty minutes later, I realized that the same two people were still standing at the same two check-in counters, no one was moving. I also felt the restlessness growing in the crowd.

There was a lady who was standing at the end of the line; with a, “This is ridicules!” she dragged her luggage and made her own line, got the attention of someone behind the counter and was taken care of. She clearly was an Alpha dog, (well, dog is a nice way to put it.)

We were asked to divide ourselves into two lines: one for final destination flights and one for connecting flights. This caused the forming of six lines. We had become a herd waiting to be fed.

An hour later it finally my turn, I had made it to the feeding trough. I also realized that there was a herd of people crowded in behind me. I moved an inch, they moved an inch. I took a step, they took a step. I breathed, they took another step. I could feel the stampede about to erupt.

Three hours later my fellow travelers and I were now ready to board the plane. The same herd crowded the counter. Today I wanted to be at the top of the food chain – those who boarded first. Ready to be leashed to seat 2C, I opened the overhead and turned to grasp my carry-on. The woman behind me threw her bag in my spot and announced she was sitting in 2A. She may have been the pup of the Alpha dog.

At first I wanted to blame this untamed group of travelers on the culture of the area I had been visiting. But that would be unfair. I think it represents the small and busy world most people allow themselves to live in. It sounds cliché to say it’s about stopping and smelling the roses, but it really is. Today there seemed to be more of a need for this herd to trample the rose garden then there was taking time to appreciate it.

In a few moments they will open the doors and we will make our way off the plane. This will be done in an orderly fashion simply because the airline has created corrals for all of us to walk through. Some will be meeting family; some will be making their way to yet another plane.  I will make my way through the crowd, chuckling at the folks who stop at the top of the escalator, unaware that there are people coming up behind them; the herd that doesn’t realized there is more than one door to go in and out, and the woman who passes the line waiting to use the restroom, unaware that there is a line. And I will be grateful that I no longer live in a small, busy world.

There’s an old proverb that says, When the student is ready, the teacher will come.  For most of my life I have lived feeling ready and wondering why no one was showing up!

The teacher in this proverb can be a multitude of things.  It can be a simple idea, an opportunity, an answer, a realization. I love when the light goes on and people make a connection. It’s great when it happens in my life and even better when it happens in the lives of others. We watch someone struggle, trying to figure out the next step. Some even seek advice; they don’t need to look too far since advice is everywhere and it’s free. How many times have I heard myself say, “If they would only listen to me.”

It is usually those of us on the outside who become more frustrated than the person waiting for the teacher. We sit on the sidelines, yelling out what we believe is their next move. “You should…” starts our conversations. Then suddenly, with no warning, the “teacher” shows up and the student learns and we walk away shaking our heads.

Why does it seem as if it takes so long? It’s the readiness training.  What a mess we make when we force someone into our plan, when we give instruction based on what we would do rather than on what may be best for them.

When the student is ready, the teacher will come. When I am ready, it will happen. How do we live in such simplicity? By focusing on our readiness, not wasting our time and energy worrying about when and how the teacher is going to arrive.

I was asked if I had noticed any difference in the events of the past week that may have been affected by the time I spent fasting. At first, I had a difficult time recalling any major events; there was nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing out of the ordinary? Wait a minute…last week was full of out of the ordinary!

There were airplanes, fireworks, festivals, police, hospital, news reports, social workers and lawyers (details to follow). Apparently, the craziness of life was not removed by fasting. So what was different? Was there any sign that spending time fasting had made any effect on the week? YES – I was affected!! I lived through airplanes, fireworks, festivals, police, hospital, news reports, social workers and lawyers – and by the beginning of the following week, I felt as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Fasting is about me. It’s about stopping and forcing myself to be quiet. It’s about eliminating the ordinary activity of eating to allow myself to be prepared to deal with the un-ordinary events in life. I’m sold! Feasting and Fasting are both important. Feasting comes in celebration. Fasting gives us something to celebrate.

The Events of the week:

Did you hear about the mom in Colorado who claimed Chili’s served alcohol to her three children? That’s my daughter-in-law, the same one that was arrested for domestic violence in January and lost custody of her children. Following the not-guilty verdict, she was awarded overnight visits. July 4^th was her second overnight and on the third overnight, she put the children in front of the TV cameras. The following day her visits were reduced to 2 hour supervised visits. Yes, there was anxiety, but along side of it was deep sense of knowing that all would be well.

I was on a plane at 6:30 am July 5^th, making my way to Wisconsin for the first event Silver Thread Publishing was to participate in. A year ago I was struggling with such fear and anxiety that I had to force myself to leave the house. My plane rides that day were effortless.

As we arrived at our event, the booth was not laid out as we had planned, the second booth could not be set up till the next morning and we were still unsure how transactions would be made. Four twelve-hour days followed; two performances on stage and thousands of people making their way past our booth.  A few moments of frustration, but nothing that couldn’t be overcome.

The week was full of out of the ordinary events. Big events! Events that could have sent me in a tailspin…but they didn’t. I wasn’t protected from the events; everything didn’t fall into place perfectly. However, I was different. I have changed. I was filled with peace. I didn’t anticipate what was going to go wrong, I was anticipating what was going to go right! I was eager to see what was going to happen next!

A few months ago I decided I wanted to understand fasting. I know a lot of religions practice it. When I googled it, I found a ton of sites recommending fasting to improve your physical health. Fasting always seemed to be this torturous event that made one look spiritual – I was hoping that my perspective was wrong.

I love the Old Testament story of Esther. She was the orphan girl who became queen and saved the entire Jewish population. There is the Fast of Esther which precedes the Feast of Esther – a celebration I love to participate in, the feast not the fast.

So my search to understand fasting began. I found a Jewish website that said a fast could be for 12 hours, sun-up to sun-down.  I figure in winter it must be less and in summer it could be more. It also said that if you needed to eat breakfast first you could. So I tried it for a day. It wasn’t as difficult as I thought. By the end of the day, I felt a bit more spiritual – or perhaps enlightened is a better word.

The following week I thought I would be brave and fast for 12 hours without having breakfast first. By 3:00 I was bent-over with stomach pains – I didn’t feel very holy.

After a few one day fasts, I began to realize that my concept of pleading with God to try to get Him to do what I wanted, is NOT the purpose of fasting. Fasting is God’s way of getting me to shut-up and focus. It is His way of telling me what He has planned.

Next week there is LOTS of stuff going on, I decided that I should take the big plunge and try a 3 day fast. I planned to set my alarm for 5:30am, make a quick breakfast and begin the day.

Day 1 – holy crap, was that difficult. I felt as if I had a huge black cloud hanging over me all day. I was overwhelmed with all the situations in my life that seemed to be just hanging there with no end in sight. I refrained myself from telling God what I wanted to see happen, I just let it all hang there.

Day 2 – woke up with a sense of excitement, don’t know why. Nothing really changed overnight. The situations were all still hanging there, but next to them was a sense of expectation. The first time I glanced at the clock it was 10:00am and I had finished what I planned would take my entire day.

The next 5 hours were filled with conversations that were amazing; each one creating more and more clarity and a deeper understanding of the situations facing me.

I always wondered how Queen Esther came up with her plan to save the Jews. I figured she came up with the plan and spent 3 days fasting to plead with God to make it happen her way. I was WRONG! She spent 3 days of fasting in order to find out what God had planned. How cool is that! How easy is that! We make it all so difficult.

It’s coming to the end of day 2. In a few hours I’ll be having dinner with my husband. I’m sure I will cry as I tell him about the amazing conversations I had this day – I’m tearing up already just thinking about it.

Tomorrow I plan to wake up at 5:30, have a little breakfast and wait to see what the day has in store. I must be honest, I can’t wait. I’m not expecting miracles to happen. In fact, I’m not expecting anything specific to happen. MAYBE that’s it!!! Maybe the excitement that I feel is based on knowing that the unknown is going to happen.  How weird is that???