Author: jeanniebruenning

Last year my cholesterol level decided to go in the wrong direction. After being asked if anyone in my family had died from a heart attack or stroke at the age of 50, the doctor said we would take 6 months of a healthy diet and exercise.

Thrilled that I didn’t walk out of the office with a prescription, I was determined to do turn it around. I got on line, read all I could about a high fiber diet, made a list of all the foods that would give me 25–30 grams of daily fiber and I headed to my grocery store. The foods on my list were foods I have always had difficulty digesting, but indigestion and bloating seemed better than heart attack and stroke.

Seven months later I was sitting in the doctor’s office, confident that I had nailed this. The doctor started comparing all of cholesterol numbers…all had increased except for the one, which was already at a very safe level. I explained the diet I had been following. She then pointed out that in seven month of this strict diet I hadn’t lost a pound.

She gave me new plan. Get off the high fiber and focus only on weight loss with a healthy diet. She gave me 2 months to lose 10 pounds before doing another blood test. Thrilled for the excuse to give up the high fiber food, I once again left determined to make it happen; I’ll do anything to avoid taking medication. I pulled out my “6 Week Body Make Over” box and began re-familiarizing myself with it, (yes, I had followed this before). I then dusted off my file on Candida (again, I had done this before), put the two together and headed off to the grocery store to restock. In the first week I dropped 6 pounds. I’m guessing it was 6 pounds of fiber, beans, and grains that had set up camp in my belly.  By week 3 I had hit the 10 pound mark.

Being on a diet where weight loss is a benefit instead of the goal is odd. The goal here is lower cholesterol. It actually took a bit to get used to. We cut ourselves a lot of slack when we are dieting. We hit certain goals and reward ourselves with foods that got us fat in the first place. It sounds a bit crazy to think of rewarding myself with foods that increase the risk of heart problems.

What’s crazier?…  the fact that I already had the tools needed. I had used them in the past and with proven results. So when did I decide I didn’t need to follow the rules anymore? Oh, I remember…it was back when I was skinning, had perfect blood pressure and low cholesterol.

My husband introduced me to the group Over the Rhine last year and I fell in love. Most of all, I love their lyrics. The other night as we sat on the porch watching the sunset, it’s what we do, we were listing to their latest release, The Long Surrender. The song Oh Yeah by the Way came on. Half way through I looked at Jeff and said, “Isn’t this a great song for parents of teen and adult children?” We began the song over and laughed as we listened to the words…

Oh yeah by the way

Oh yeah by the way

The thought of you it shook my head

Just today

Oh yeah by the way

Oh yeah by the way

What a waste that I still love you

After the mess you’ve made

What a waste that I’m not jaded

Once in awhile I even smile

What a waste you’re just a stranger

To me now

Oh yeah by the way

Oh yeah by the way

There are still so many things

I wonder if should say, like

What a waste that I still love you

But I can’t erase one scar

All your self-inflicted wounds

Have made you what you are

So goodbye yesterday

Goodbye yesterday

I probably should have guessed that it could

End this way

What if I’m as good as you at

Walkin’ away

Oh yeah by the way

I still love you.

I typically hear people use this phrase when they are expressing joy about an event where the unexpected happened, or when everything seemed to fall into place, or when it felt as if something supernatural got involved… It’s a God thing.

I thought a lot about this statement during those months that Emery was in the NICU. As Emery consistently overcame the challenges put before her, we heard a lot of; “God answers prayer” and “It’s a God thing”. To be honest, it bothered me. Did this positive attitude toward God exist because Emery was pulling through? What about the little one who slept in the bed next to her for two days that didn’t make it, was that not a God thing too?

I don’t believe for a moment that Emery is doing well as some reward of having a lot of people praying. I believe Emery is doing well because she and God have something going on; I for one can’t wait to see what that is. As I get older, prayer has become less and less about what’s going on around me and more and more about what’s going on inside me. My prayer during those months was simply, “Thy will be done AND make us willing to accept YOUR will.”

It’s a God thing. ..isn’t it all a God thing?

In my search for lyrics of songs that really don’t exist, these are two that I recall my mother singing when I was a kid. Mom grew up in Chicago in the 30’s and 40’s. I believe they were passed down to her by her granny-gran.

A Little Fly

Oh, a little fly flew in the grocery store,
He sat on the counter and he sat on the floor-
He sat on the sugar and he sat on the ham,
And he sat on the nose of the grocery man!

I Sat on a Tack
I sat on a tack and oh what a whack
I got on my back from sitting on the tack.
With a whim, wham wangle and a strim, stram strangle,
Oh, babalow, pretty boy, over the bree.
(Kinda say “over da bree” with a nasal slurred voice.)

Next search: I’m looking over my dead dog Rover – it’s truly a show stopper.

I don’t know when I became emotionally attached to money. I’m not sure if I really want to dig down deep to figure it out. I do know somewhere it happened; money, whether it’s in abundance or lack has always been emotional.

This became very apparent recently while I was visiting my son. I was there in hopes of being some assistance to this newly single dad of 4; appointments, meetings, and school schedules fill his days. Financially, this little family should be fine. That is, they should be fine if all the money due him actually gets to him. This particular day, the theme seemed to be “it may be your money, but someone else is using it.”

That evening, I made my way outside for a walk. I felt as if I was agonizing. In all that had transpired over the last 6 crazy months of my life, I had not felt this level of frustration.  A question came to mind; what about this bothers you the most? My answer; the money.  I stopped walking. REALLY?  The money?

During these past 6 months, I’ve seen miracles. I’ve witnessed the impossible happen and at this moment I am concerned about money?!?!? I wanted to fall to my knees. It’s just money. It isn’t a form of approval or disapproval. It isn’t a sign of security or abandonment.  My emotional connection to money – disconnected at that moment.  It’s just money…and it’s about time I began treating it that way!

As for the life changing moments in our lives, those times when a part of us is totally set free, sometimes they take years and sometimes they are moments. There is no doubt when they happen. Life changes. My life has seemed to change so many times in the past two years – I’m starting to think of them as one big moment!

It’s no secret to those that know us that our last several months have been anything but uneventful. The other night I said,”We have so much to be grateful for.” My husband replied, “I know. Just think of where we could be.”

Where we could be? Let’s recap. In early November our daughter gave birth to a little girl, at just 25 weeks. Emery was born weighing just 1lb., 10 oz. Then came the waiting. Waiting for the heart surgeon to tell us how her surgery went, the neurologist deciding how to deal with the fluid in her brain and the four months she spent in the NICU.  In January we received a call from our son informing us that his wife had just been arrested for domestic violence. What followed was an eviction notice, repossessions, court dates and child custody hearings – this was all in a short three months. I think we’ve been a lot!

I’ve learned so much through these experiences. Close to the top of the list is the lesson of waiting. It’s not my nature to wait. I’m a fixer, jump right in and solve the problem. I don’t jump anymore.  Nope, my jumping days are gone. I sits. It didn’t take me long to figure out what “sits” stands for; I Sit In Thy Stillness. It kind of goes along with, Be still and know that I am God. So I sits.

Just a few days ago I was on the phone with my sister discussing some exciting promotional opportunities for her children’s books. We were excited and nervous, not sure what would work and what we needed to leave on the table. In all the excitement Sue said, “We have to sits!” Yep, we had to sits. Guess what, we didn’t have to decide what to take on and what to leave behind. While we were sits-ing it all fell into place.