I’ve had a ton of self-discovery these past few weeks. Thanks to a book titled Dream Big, I no longer feel like there’s something wrong with me cause I love being involved in a bunch of things at one time. 

Thanks to a small book study with five old friends, I feel more connected than I ever have. And in the past week, thanks to a thing called Tapping I’ve discovered (and let go of) a whole lot of anxieties, stressors, and fears. 

This has been the most amazing change of all. Why do I feel the need to time how long I am in a store? When did running errors become a sprint? When did talk about crazy, out-laddish ideas become an irresponsible way of thinking? When did new adventures become something to fear with the expectation of horrible things to follow? When did having a full day of activity and things to accomplish become a drain or a curse, and something to avoid? 

My personal thorn is feeling like I’ll mess up and someone-somewhere will feel the need to scold me. Holy crap – I’m 59 years old – why do I care if someone isn’t happy, or accepting, or in agreement. I don’t! BUT I have a lifetime of learned reactions and behaviors that know how to react on cue – as I’m discovering them…I’m letting them go. 

Last night when I got into bed I told Jeff, “I have to go to sleep cause I can wait to wake up in the morning!” I can’t wait!!

Thanks to my old buddy Robyn, I stumbled into a thing called Epicure. Cooking classes, planning events, selling products, and making videos…and I’m having a blast. Each step of the way opens me to new and deeper self-discovery and awareness. More insecurities, self-perceptions, and anxieties that I just don’t want to tolerate any longer.  

As those old learned behaviors rear their ugly faces, I quickly move into position and begin tapping them away. I breath more freely, laugh with a little more delight, dream a little bigger, love a whole lot deeper, and tell myself regularly that this weird feeling isn’t something to worry about…it’s just a thing called contentment and I’ll get used to it eventually. 

It’s Me!

“How do they find me? How do they always find me?”

This is one of my favorite lines from the movie The Producers. I’ve been known to say similar statements; Why does this always happen to me? Why am I stuck here again? I can’t deal with those people!

There was a time I thought if I did something differently, theywould go away. Perhaps if I never interacted with anyone, theycouldn’t find me.

Recently, as I found myself forced to face a situation I detest, I heard myself say, “Why is this happening again…” But instead of falling into the dark abyss of self-pitting and self-justification, I heard a new voice, one that said, “It’s not them, it’s you.” I knew that voice was right. That voice was speaking my truth.

Those people, the uncomfortable situations, the challenges and failures in this life, are magnifying glasses that identify areas within us that need attention, disconnections that can be fixed, hurts that are heal-able.

It is life’s way of saying,

Look over here, let’s fix this!

Remember this pain, let’s heal it.

You don’t have to be the victim, let’s take care of this.

 Somehow, we’ve turned self-discovery into a scary, life-long drama focused on our woundedness. When in reality, self-discovery can be an amazing adventure of healing that propels us into real life, the one filled with love and peace and ease.

If you are not quite ready to see it in your own life, look at someone else’s life, it won’t take long for you to begin to see the connections.

 But where is your magnifying glass pointing? Who are thosepeople and what are the situations that are uncomfortable? What always seems to be happening– again?

When you identify them, take a deep breath, pour yourself a glass of wine (or tequila) and spend time pondering. If it’s not them,then what is it inside me that’s screaming for attention, longing to be fixed, and aching to be healed. It’s really not a bad journey. It doesn’t have to be scary.

Remembering that it’s not them, it’s me turns you in the right direction. Once there, have the courage to keep walking. The journey will soon become one of self-discovery filled with healing, love, and wisdom. It becomes a life filled with wholeness – instead of one known for its’ woundedness.