Category: Family

For Memorial Day Weekend Jeff and I headed back to Wisconsin, hoping to spend as much time with Raun, Pam and the kids as possible before we moved. This was really the first time Jeff had spent time with the kids and they were getting to know each other. Jeff had a great sense of humor around kids. He is just off enough to make them think and the clever ones can keep him going for hours. At lunch we discussed Brianna’s fear of ketchup because someone told her it was blood. Jeff affirmed that it really was blood of the tomatoes. I’m not sure if that helped or hurt the situation. Sage thought he was fun to play games with such as “I’m thinking of”.

We spent Memorial Day at Jeff’s parents playing in the lake, roasting marshmallows and making s’mores. All of Jeff’s family was there and all day I was reminded that this would most likely never happen again. This was a day in history and the next time this group of people were together could be years away. How often do we experience historical moments and not realize it. We ended our day at a Japanese restaurant. It was entertaining to the kids to watch their meals being made in front of us. Lot’s of fire, lot’s of knives and lot’s of throwing food. Chase, the youngest was sitting next to me. All evening I had noticed that he had to be touching me, either his arm was on my arm or his hand was on my hand or his head was on my shoulder. At some point he got bored and needed a change. I suggested that he and Grandpa Jeff go out and check on the car to see if Ellie (our dog) was safe. They headed out the door hand in hand. When they returned they took their time getting to the table. There were scary masked on the wall and caught Chase’s attention. Ice cream was waiting for them when they returned.

“I don’t like ice cream” said Chase as he sat down next to Jeff.

He took a bite.

“I thought you didn’t like ice cream?” Jeff said.

“I was just teasing you.” He replied. After several spoonfuls he looked up at Jeff and asked; “Can I try some of yours?”

“Sure”

Chase continued to eat out of both bowls. He stopped at one point and looked at Jeff. “Are you happy?”

Jeff looked at me. “Am I happy?” Looking back at Chase, “Yes I’m happy.”

“I’m happy too.”said Chase.

Dinner was over and we said our good byes. Jeff and I would head back to Chicago in the morning. Shortly after we had gone our seperate ways we received a text message from Raun. ‘Chase got out of the Jeep and looked down at the pavement and said, I want Grandpa Jeff’

We had made a connection. These children were part of our lives and if we were going to be their grandparents some day, we were going to be grandma and grandpa, step- would not be in our vocabulary.

 

Brian graduated on Thursday. Immediately after he and Austyn began their trip to IL. Austyn was graduating on Saturday with an Associate degree in Applied Sciences, Digital Photography. She had been asked to be one of two student speakers for the ceremony. Jeff and I had both cried through her 8^th grade graduation and barely made it through her high school graduation; we had no idea what this one would do to us.

Both of our children have very high I.Q. This is both a blessing and a curse. Raun was bored all through school and struggled with applying himself. Austyn was considered gifted with a sever learning disability. In 8^th grade she barely had a 3^rd grade reading level. We knew something was off when she was 3 and could not repeat 3 words back to you. We were learning bible verses such as God is Love. I would say it and ask her to repeat it. She could not, it was one word at a time. At some point she was able to repeat a group of words but she some how always changed at least one of the words. School was a challenge. We spent several years home schooling. When we returned to Wheaton, Il we began the testing process for assistance. Austyn qualified for everything they had to offer. By her Senior year she had developed a level of confidence in her abilities and disabilities that she confidently approached each teacher the beginning of each semester with her list of what she will succeed at and what she may need their assistance with. They were always a bit taken back. Austyn did not come across needy. A few of the teachers failed to believed her but a quick read through her file and apologizes were made. In the end Austyn won them all over and graduated with honors.

There was a point that Jeff and I had no idea how she would get through Sr. High. “If we can just get her to graduation” we would say. Get her to graduation, she had graduated with honors and was accepted to Harrington School of Design. Each graduation was a milestone and very emotional. For me it was a sense of relief and accomplishment. We had made it through and it was a group effort. Jeff nor I had ever envisioned a College Graduation.

The Friday evening prior to graduation was a gallery showing at Harrington. We made our way through the exhibits recognizing names of students. Austyn’s final project “The Chair” was on display. Austyn had purchased an old chair from a second hand store and brought it home on the city bus. For a period of 3 months she took the chair everywhere, photographing it around the city of Chicago, farmland in Wisconsin and along the river in Little Chute, WI. At some point The Chair stopped being a chair and took on a personality of it’s own. It came alive. The book “The Chair” sat in the actual chair in the corner of one of the exhibit rooms.

We left the school in search of the English pub Austyn had chosen for dinner. She and Jeff debated the directions, each one sure they were right. At one point they were actually walking in opposite directions. In the end Austyn was right, not an easy thing for dad to admit to. Dinner was great. We grabbed a cab and headed home, Saturday was going to be a big day.

Pomp and Circumstance began and tears filled my eyes. If I lost it now I would not get control. She walked past us with a typical Austyn smile…bigger than life. It was her time to speak and she was fantastic. As she spoke to her fellow students the audience seemed to disappear, she encouraged and challenged. Diplomas were given out and she was walking back down the isle. It was a wonder ceremony. We caught a cab and stopped at Jakes for a celebratory drink. School was over for both, the next ceremony would be the wedding.

As part of their graduation gift we purchased tickets to “Sweeny Todd”. Sweeny is our family’s favorite stage musical. This was the production where the actors actually play instruments while on stage. We had seen several productions of Sweeny and could not imagine how they could possibly do this, not only did this mean they had memorized the performance itself but they also memorized the entire score. We caught the 22 bus and headed to the theater. We had wonderful seats, middle of the first row of the balcony. The curtain went up and we were entranced the entire time. What an amazing production. What a wonderful end to a historical day.

Elin Ainsley Bruenning was born 10/19/09.

After driving all night Brian and his friend Evan arrived early Friday morning. On Saturday we would load up Austyn and they would head back to Colorado. Brian and Austyn had known each other for a year and a half but had not spent much more than a weekend together. They needed to be in the same city before they walked down the aisle and say “this is forever.” Her future in-laws had been looking for apartments with short term leases and a week before the planned move had found a two bedroom condo with a lease through July. It fit perfectly into their plans.

She was packed; boxes were everywhere. One stack was what she would take now. One stack would be kept by us until she and Brian were back in the states. Another stack was all her photography equipment; two computers, cameras, lenses, paper, printer and a collection of work.

It hadn’t been an easy week for either Austyn or I. Jeff had been gone the entire week and would be back Friday night. Austyn and I had spent the past evenings talking, hugging and crying, knowing how much we would miss each other. I never knew how deep a mother – daughter relationship could grow. We are buddies, encouragers, dreamers, positive thinkers and each other’s accountability. That daily connection was about to change. We would be left with phone calls and email.

Saturday morning came and we began to load the truck. At one point I was left in the apartment alone. I stopped and looked around. My world was changing. My oldest had already relocated to Wisconsin, Austyn’s things were in the apartment for the last time. It would not be too much longer and this would be an empty space waiting for it’s new owners. This is so much more than one is able to process. I stood in the dinning room, leaning against the windowsill with tears streaming down my face.

It did not take long to pack the truck with the things from the condo. We made our way to the storage unit for the final boxes. Austyn and I left the guys behind and ran some errands. When we returned the truck was packed and it was time to say good-bye. There were lots of hugs. “Take care of her” was all I could get out as I hugged Brain good-bye. Jeff and I got in the car and headed back to our very empty and quiet condo. Again Austyn was gone, she had left so many times before and fortunately she would be back again soon. College graduation was just a few weeks away.

My Mother was turning 80 and at the last minute had planned a weekend in Chicago with her only sister Meryle, myself and my two sisters. My Mom and her sister arrived at Union Station on Amtrack Friday night. It would be the first time my aunt had come to visit us in the city. My mother and her sister had grown up in Chicago, just about six blocks north of where we live. It was very exciting for them to be back in the old neighborhood.

There were general plans made for the weekend. The schedule was not packed full – after all it takes time to get from one place to another with an eighty and eighty-four year old.

A few dinners, a little shopping and a little sightseeing. Always planning time to return to the hotel for anyone who needed a rest.

We took the bus to Millennium Park to see the famous Bean, Buckingham Fountain and the lake. We walked down Michigan Avenue as mom pointed out historical buildings. The birthday weekend was full of laughter, conversations and photo opportunities.

There is a joke among my sisters and I about our growing up years. Our mother was never heard saying the word breast. We grew up with chicken “chests” not chicken
breasts.” In fact this information has spread out to our circle of friends and you will commonly hear one of them order chicken “chest” at dinner. As the waitress stood at the end of the table making her recommendations for the Lemon Chicken “Breast,” my mother held out her hands as if she was holding something and asked; “how big are the breasts?” It sent us all into uncontrollable laughter. My sister stood to her feet, hands in the air and announced; “Hallelujah, she’s been freed”. The laughter continue for what seemed hours. Unable to catch our breath we laughed from our souls. We had grown up referring to chicken breasts as with chicken chests our whole life and today Mom could finally say “breasts.
People can change…at the age of eighty.

We watch the relationship between two sisters, how one dominated the other and knew how to push all the buttons. We took turns walking slowly with our aunt. Each time someone new joined our little group we immediately paired them up, allowing the newest member of the group the opportunity to walk slowly. We ordered $9 drinks that could fit in a shot glass and consumed all the free birthday deserts we could get. “We are celebrating her 80^th birthday” became the opening remarks to the waitress, hoping it would get us a free desert at the end of the meal.

The weekend ended quickly. There are so many changes ahead for all of us.  Couple this with the joy of being with these two lovely ladies in their eighties and it is a good reminder to make the most of being together. This has been a memorable weekend and perhaps the last time this group would party in the city of Chicago.

We had planned to spend Easter weekend in Wisconsin. Knowing we would be on our way to California soon we wanted to spend as much time with Raun, Pam and the kids as possible. The car was rented and we loaded up on Friday morning. Raun and Pam were on their way back from the funeral in Indiana. It was snowing slightly in the city and the forecast called for large amounts of snow by late afternoon. We had hopes of being ahead of the storm. The first thirty minutes was smooth sailing, then it hit. What should have been a fifteen minute drive took us over an hour and a half. We stopped for gas and decided to turn around. Disappointed and frustrated we returned to the city.

It was around 6:00 that evening when the front door buzzed. Two beeps, it was Raun and Pam. They had also been delayed, cell phones dead and exhausted. We went for a burger and let them talk, and talk they did. This was not going to be an easy transition. There were a multitude of emotions ranging from guilt to anger and back again. This was all so very complicated. His children, her children, life insurance, social security, police reports, court dates. It was overwhelming to hear and even more overwhelming to imagine having to deal with it.

We encouraged them to spend the night but they both wanted to get home. The next morning the weather had cleared. The city had not received the bulk of the snow, it had hit the north suburbs hard. Austyn and I decide to try our trip again. We called around for car rentals. Fortunately the storm had prevented others from their trips as it had us, so cars were available. We rented the first car we found, loaded it up and headed north. We would spend the weekend in Wisconsin and make ourselves available in any way that we could.

We had not had much of a chance to spent time with the children, I was hoping this weekend would allow for that. We had planned Easter dinner at Grandma Gregg’s. Pam felt she needed to stay home but Raun brought the kids over and we played.

Grandma’s house is laid out great for hide and seek. We even got the older cousins involved. During one of the rounds, it was suggested to Chase that he hide under the bed. As the seeker entered the room calling out, “Chase where are you?” he actually answered. “I”m under here.” We all had a great laugh. I fell in love with these three children that night. Raun had told me numerous times that they could all be his and it was evident. They loved him and he was their anchor. They obeyed what he said and ran to him if they needed something. They had bonded.

As the evening came to an end we at on the sofa for some pictures. Sage, the middle one was standing next to me. I looked at her and asked, “Now will you remember me when I talk to you one the phone?” Sage replied very honestly, “No. What’s your name again?” Clearly it would take longer then a few hours for us to bond. I would be heading back to Chicago tomorrow and be known as Raun’s mom…grandma would have to wait.