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That evening we had dinner at the home of Jeff’s new employer and his wife. We would spend the next two days driving from town to town in hopes that we would find some place that we could call home.

We set out Saturday morning with maps, the plan was to start at the south end of the county and head north. We would stop for coffee along the way.

“How do we get to your new office?” I asked Jeff.

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? Haven’t you gone there every day for the last week?”

“Yes, but I haven’t been paying attention.”

Clearly Jeff would be driving and I would be following the map. That’s how it works in our relationship. He drives and I try to figure out where we are.

The first community had no appeal at all. Actually it enhanced our anxiety. We may not have known where we would end up but it was very clear that we knew where we did not belong. I had spent time online looking at housing. We had a vague idea of pricing and I was doing my best to recall any houses I had seen in these communities.

Downtown San Luis Obispo is wonderful. There is a river walk and plenty of shopping and great food. There were people and activity. We love living in the city for that very reason, there are always people around.

We found ourselves on the north end of our journey much faster than anticipated. These communities were close together, thirty miles from end to end. Thirty miles and no traffic. We were not moving from the city to the suburbs, we were moving from the city to the country. It just so happens that this country has mountains and an ocean.

We were back at the hotel early afternoon. I went for a walk on the beach and Jeff found a laundromat to wash his clothes. There was a lot of silence that afternoon. We were both finding it very difficult to express what we were feeling.

I found the car, found the directions and backed out of the parking space. I made my way out of the parking lot, turned left on Broad in search of Tank Farm Road, interesting name for a road as well as an interesting road; a few farms, a trailer park, a few warehouses, the north side of the airport. At the next intersection was a strip mall, Starbucks and Trader Joes…a taste of home. I pulled in, went into both and felt a bit of relief. Back in the car and on my way in search of Hwy 101, the only 4 lane highway in the area.

I passed a few more farm areas, saw some cows on the hillside and chuckled as I thought about the Happy Cow commercials on TV. Highway 101 did not seem any different than the highways running through Wisconsin. This was much hillier than Wisconsin but they both had cows on the side of the road.

The road began to curve a bit, around a slight bend and there it was, breathtaking, the Pacific Ocean. There is magnificence about the west coast, the ruggedness of the rocks meeting the tranquility of the water. It was hard to keep my eyes on the road, this was beauty and I couldn’t get enough of it.

I found the exit, pulled into the parking lot of the hotel, throw my things in the room and walked to the water. The hotel sat well above the beach and the view both north and south was picturesque. I watch what I thought were the largest birds I had ever seen swimming away from the shore. Maybe they were pelicans I thought to myself, until one stood up on the surf board. The shore was lined with a small group of surfers. There was a man with waiters on fly fishing near shore and the sun was beginning to set. I found myself not only speechless but having difficulty processing all of this.

Jeff arrived shortly after. He had been traveling a lot and we had only spent 1 day together in the last 2 and a half weeks. Besides being glad to see each other we were in this beautiful place yet neither of us were sure if we could really live here.

“What do you think?” he asked.

“It’s small,” I said.

“I know. I told you it was rural”

“I didn’t think it was this rural, but it’s magnificent.” I replied

“Yes it is.”

I woke early the next morning. Finished packing, made sure Austyn was feeling better and headed out the door. At the corner I grabbed a taxi, which took me to the Blue Line that took me right into O’Hare. Owning a car is not an essential part of life in the city.

The business of the last 24 hours had prevented me from spending too much time thinking about this trip. It wasn’t until I was on the plane that my mind slowed down enough to reflect.

As I boarded the plane I recalled the flight I had made eighteen years earlier. I had boarded a plane in Charlotte, NC for a similar trip. Jeff had accepted a position that brought us to the Chicago area and for some reason I was given the sole responsibility to find a place to live… in one weekend. I had not flown much and was nervous about the flight. I was meeting a realtor and hopefully finding a home for our young family. The housing market between Charlotte, NC and Wheaton, IL was light years apart. Our three bedrooms, 2 and a half bath condo had been purchased for $45,000 only five years earlier. This weekend I would be looking at starter homes at $125,000. Not only were the price tags high but so was the cost of living. We couldn’t afford either, but we were going to give it a shot.

On that flight, I remember sitting next to an older businessman. We had talked briefly during the flight. When I told him that we were moving to the suburbs he paused and then told me not to do it. “The cost of living will kill you”, I remembered him saying.  What would life be like now if we had taken that advice?

I spent the remainder of this flight reflecting on the last eighteen years. By the time the flight landed in Phoenix I was a bit melancholy. I had a fifty minute layover in Phoenix, just enough time to get a bite to eat and board the plan to San Luis Obispo. The last leg of the flight is just over an hour. I had an aisle seat but tried to peer out the window as often as possible.

I took note of the people on the plane. Were they returning to San Luis? Were they visiting? Some were dressed in Western garb, boots, hat, and vest. I was hoping to get a glimpse into the people that call San Luis home. We were about to make the final descent.

After we landed we taxied for a bit. The plane came to a stop and we were still on the tarmac. I hadn’t been at an airport this small since I was in high school. We exited the plane, some passengers were heading into the building, and others were waiting for what I assumed was luggage. I waited as well. Mostly, I was looking around. Airports are rarely in the most beautiful part of cities and this one was surrounded by rolling hills. Jeff had said rural but this is not what I pictured.

After I was informed that the passengers waiting at the plane were waiting for carry on bags, I was directed to go into the airport to wait for luggage. I must have looked like a first time flier, completely lost which I was. Seven hours earlier I had stepped out of my apartment, hailed a cab, rode the Blue Line and made my way through O’Hare airport. Now I was walking into a small brick building in the middle of what looked like no where. Where were we?

I stood in line for the car rental. After completing all the paperwork I inquired as to what we needed to do when we returned the car since our flight was at 6:30am. She told me that we would be leaving the car in Lot 3. Lot 3? This airport is so small that it only has one airplane on the tarmac at any given time yet they have three lots? This was going to be interesting.

The second full week of January would be orientation for Jeff at the new office in San Luis Obispo. He flew out on Sunday with 4 fellow employees. Chicago to San Luis is not an easy flight. Total travel time adds up to around 7 hours. I waited for the first phone call relaying first impressions. It wasn’t until later that evening that Jeff checked in. “It’s small, but it is dark so we haven’t seen much. The hotel is right on the beach, I’ll send you the link and you can look it up.”

Every day was about the same. “This is small town. The people are nice, but it feels very rural.” I was to fly out on Friday. Jeff’s excitement about the company was growing, but his view on the area was not changing.

On Thursday of that week I received a call at work from Austyn, she wasn’t feeling well and from what she was describing I encouraged her to call the doctor. There were several phone calls that morning followed by several text messages.

“I’m at the doctors office, call you when I’m done,” she texted.

“She sent me to the hospital for x-rays, checking for blood clot in my lungs.”

“Finished at registration, going to the lab.”

Raun was on his way to the house to check on Austyn when I called and I asked him to go to the hospital and check on Austyn. The beauty of our neighborhood was that we were two blocks from the hospital. As Raun walked into the entrance of the hospital Austyn was coming out of the elevator. I decided I should probably leave work and head to the hospital too, so I quickly closed down my computer, made a few phone calls to inform people I was leaving, grabbed a taxi and headed there. The emotional rush that happens during these times is immeasurable.

I gave the taxi driver the location of the hospital and began to text Jeff to update him. I could not hold back the tears. The anticipation of leaving the next morning for California was already great, the fear and anxiety of heading to the hospital was over the top. I glanced at the rearview mirror a few times to catch the driver looking back at me. Taxi drivers must see everything in the course of their day.

I arrived at the hospital and made my way to X-ray. Raun was sitting alone. Austyn had been taken in. We sat and talked while we waited. Austyn returned in about a half hour and had been instructed to wait. She recapped the afternoon for me. It did not take long to realize that she was exhausted.

The technician come out and informed us that the x-rays had been looked at and everything was fine, nothing to worry about. We should go home and Austyn’s doctor would be giving us a call.

We walked home, had some comfort food, got cozy and put in a movie. The three of us just rested and enjoyed being together. It wasn’t until 9:00pm that evening, after Raun had left and Austyn gone to bed that I began packing for my trip. I needed to be out of the house by 7am and I hadn’t done anything to prepare.

As I was cleaning the kitchen I was rethinking our conversation. Imagining Raun with three children, realizing that if this relationship grew Jeff and I would be grandparents. This year was already quit full; why not add another major change, instant grandparents. Then it hit me, Jeff a grandpa. I began to laugh.

Jeff and I are very different when it comes to children. I am intrigued by their interaction. Jeff is known in our family for one very profound statement. “Disney without crying children and strollers, now that would truly be a magic kingdom.” He has been very vocal to Raun and Austyn about waiting to have children. “No babies, at least for a couple years.”

For several generations on the Bruenning side of the family, the first child (which has consistently been a boy) has been born to a father of the ripe old age of 20. Great Grandpa was 20 when grandpa was born. Grandpa was 20 when Jeff was born. Jeff was 20 when Raun was born. Since Raun was a teenager he has been instructed to break the curse. “No babies”. I began to count backwards. The oldest of these three children was born when Raun was 20. The curse would be in tacked.

I walked into the bedroom to inform Jeff of all my new discoveries, it was difficult to keep a straight face; he could be an instant grandpa, Raun would have been 20 when Breanna was born, and so on. Trying not to break a smile he swore at me. We both laughed, standing there looking at each other shacking our heads. This was no where in our plans.

An hour later he buzzed. We had established a super secret family buzz to enter the main door of our condo; two quick buzzes and we know it’s one of us. Two quick buzzes and the dog quickly makes her way to the door, she also knows it must be one of us. A few moments later and there were three lovely children walking into living room.

Introductions were made. Brianna was the oldest, Sage next and finally Chase. Big eyes, beautiful smiles and they were holding onto Raun for dear life. He was their protection.

After a few moments I took Chases hand and we began to explore the apartments. He was inquisitive; pointing to things, asking questions. We made our way to the porch to look for stars and airplanes. As we left the living room I heard Raun say to Pam “I thought he didn’t like anyone”. The girls followed shortly. Everyone was making their selves at home.

Austyn’s room was the last to explore. Austyn’s room is worth exploring; photos everywhere, two computers, boxes of wedding stuff and a 4 foot brown teddy bear that is slumped in the corner taking it all in.

Pam, Raun and I made our way back to the kitchen. Jeff and Austyn were doing just fine entertaining the troupes in her room. Jeff is actually great with kids. He has a great sense of humor that makes kids think. I’ve always thought it was his way of finding the most imaginative ones, those are the ones he most enjoys interacting with. He and Sage were well into the game of “I’m thinking of a color”.

The evening ended a short time later. Coats, hats, kiss the dog and out the door. I walked them down the three flights of stairs, hailed a taxi while Raun retrieved their things from the car. The taxi door shut and we waved goodbye. I was suddenly met with an interesting thought; I may have just met my grandchildren.

Raun had been spending more time in Wisconsin. Driving up on the weekends and since his winter break started Thanksgiving and ended after New Years he had time. Raun enjoyed going to visit his grandparents and get in a little fishing. For the last five years he had truly learned to enjoy the quietness of fishing. Unless fishing was on the schedule, making trips to Wisconsin was not top on the list of “fun things to do”. There was something or someone in Wisconsin that had a new draw.

Raun and Pam had definitely reconnected. We knew Pam from Raun’s high school years. They were both very active in our church youth group. Raun had spent New Years with her in Wisconsin and they drove to Chicago to spend the weekend.

Pam was also coming out of a very long relationship which left her with three beautiful children aging from 7 to 21/2. Jeff and I were filled with questions and concerns. School, financial stability, responsibility; this was not a two person relationship. It was much more complicated than that.

Austyn received a text from Raun on Saturday asking if she wanted to meet them at the zoo. It was the first we had known that Pam and her three children were here in Chicago.

I called Raun on Sunday afternoon to see how the visit had gone and was informed that they were all still there but getting ready to leave and he would call me back. I asked what his dinner plans were and invited him to stop by so we could talk. An hour later he was sitting in our kitchen and he was glowing.

Several years ago after Raun’s very first serious breakup, Jeff and I were very clear with him that we would never stop asking the tough questions and we would always support his decisions. We had watched too many family members struggle in bad relationships knowing very well that everyone around was too scared to asked questions. We were committed not to see that happen with our own children. Relationships are complicated and too many times parents flippantly give opinions that cause riffs in the relationship. We wanted to be able to challenge their thought process but never ever let them think that we would not support their decisions.

As Raun sat in the kitchen he was ready to talk. Every question we asked he was able to answer not only with his point of view but repeated the conversations he and Pam had already had on the subject. School would still be a priority. Pam was an RN; she understood the importance of education. She was willing to go where Raun needed for his masters. He was not only falling for Pam but the children had already won his heart. “They could be my kids”. This was the most surprising of all. Raun had never shown any interest in children. It wasn’t a like or a dislike, it just wasn’t. To hear him talk about these three precious children was an entirely new experience. We ate and talked for about an hour. There were parts of Raun that had come alive. He referred to how Jeff and I had parented and how he now understood why we did things the way we did. This was a conversation on a whole new level. Raun was experiencing adulthood from a new angle and he was enjoying it.

We were interrupted by the phone, it was Pam. She and the kids had been in an accident, everyone was fine but the car was not drivable. She had missed the entrance to the Kennedy and was somewhere on the far west side of Chicago, not exactly the best part of town especially for a mom and three children. Raun grabbed the keys to the car and took off.