Author: jeanniebruenning

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Stress and Bruises

My medical knowledge has increase just a tad since Emery was born.  I have a greater insight into breathing, pooping, peeing, heart rate and blood pressure. There were two areas that when I began to learn of their importance, brought goose bumps and a few tears.

While Austyn was in labor, every doctor and nurse seemed to be focused on one thing, allowing this baby to be born naturally. In fact at one point, they had rushed Austyn to the ER but as soon as Emery’s heart rate recovered, they stopped the procedure and sent them back to their room.

As it was explained to me, there is a level of stress that is created as a baby makes it through the birth cannel. This stress triggers the organs and lets them know life is changing, that it’s time for them to begin to work; it’s time for them to do what they were created to do. Without this process, she may have had other more serious issues.

Emery had a lot of bruising from this birthing process. Her head was quite dark, her tiny nose had a large spot on it, her right eye was also very dark and there was a bruise on her back. All very normal, we were informed; because she was so tiny and her systems so immature, it would take her body a little longer to heal these bruises, but they would go away.

When it was discovered that there had been some level of bleeding in the brain and that Emery required a procedure to allow the fluid that was now collecting around her brain to be drained, did we begin to understand the importance of the bruising. Bruising stretches the skin. This allowed for Emery’s little head to expand when the fluid was collecting and protect her from additional pressure. The one thing that prevented her from looking perfect at birth was the very thing that would protect her.

Rarely does God turn water into wine, or send us a million dollars in the mail, or prevent anything bad from every happening; most of the time He uses normal things such as stress and bruising. We miss it! We miss see all the miracles that happen every day. We miss it because we don’t want to feel the stress nor do we want to look at the bruises. It these things that trigger us to become what we were created for. It’s these things that protect us in ways we may never understand.

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Sometimes a Light Surprises

It’s been almost three weeks since we received that early morning call informing us that our sixth grandchild would be born in a day or so. If this call had come three months later, on the actual due date, there would have been a much greater measure of excitement. Fifteen weeks early and a five and a half month pregnancy filled with complications, this call brought feeling of concern and hesitancy.

When the announcement that Emery Rain Ford had come into the world a whole one pound eleven ounces, wiggling and trying to breathe on her own, a melody began to be repeated in my thoughts; this melody belonged to a song I recall my husband singing many times. Although the melody was clear, I could only recall the first line; Sometimes the light surprises.

Upon my request, Jeff packed the songbook and brought it on his next visit. With songbook in hand, I had the joy of reading through the words:

Sometimes a light surprises the Christian while he sings;

It is the Lord who rises with healing in His wings.
When comforts are declining, He grants the soul again

A season of clear shining, to cheer it after rain.


In holy contemplation we sweetly then pursue

The theme of God’s salvation, and find it ever new;

Set free from present sorrow, we cheerfully can say,

Let the un-known tomorrow bring with it what it may.


It can bring it nothing but He will bear us through;

Who gives the lilies clothing will clothe His people too;

Beneath the spreading heavens, No creature but is fed;

And He who feeds the ravens will give His children bread.


Though vine nor fig tree neither, their wonted fruit should bear,

Though all the field should wither, nor flocks nor herds be there;

Yet God the same a biding, His praise shall tune my voice,

For while in Him confiding, I cannot but rejoice!

~william cowper

Enough said.

 

 

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Living in a Movie

The movie Sleepless in Seattle has many great scenes. My favorite is when Meg Ryan and Rosie O’Donnell are watching An Affair to Remember. Meg is crying as she expresses her desire to experience this in her life. Rosie looks at her and says; “You don’t want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie.”

We do, don’t we? We want the romance, the sunsets, the flowers, chocolates and poetry. We want the magic. I’ve realized that most of us not only want to be in love in a movie, we want our lives to be movies; magical moments, fields of dreams and rainbows ends.

I’m sitting in the waiting room awaiting the arrival of our sixth grandchild. There is tension, uncertainty as our daughter was only 26 weeks into the pregnancy. Her water broke and there was nothing else to do but deliver the baby. There are many times I wish this was a movie. Cut, make-up, where’s the magic?

I find myself wanting to play out each scene in my mind; What if…. What will we say if…? How will we react? There is great drama in each scene. I’ve imagined my daughter and I as we embrace in sorrow and in celebration, trying to be prepared for either. Some of these scenes bring tears to my eyes. All of them make me very anxious.

A movie has a script. It has a person, or several, that spend time writing and rewriting the screenplay. The actors rehearse. The director chooses the exact angle to shoot each scene and if need be, each scene can be redone as many times as possible.

Life is not a movie. Life is full of moments, if we allow ourselves to experience them live, they bring all the magic one will ever need. If we dwell on what our reaction will be in a certain situation, we miss the live performance. In fact, as we waist precious time trying to imagine the script for the future, we are missing what is currently being acted out around us.

There is a great level of stress and anxiety in thinking about the future. I heard one person say that the future is God’s territory and He never invited us there. He asks us only to live for today.  It’s much more exciting to live in the moment.  Perhaps that is why such great comedy comes out of improv. Rarely is improv dramatic. Drama comes from well scripted work.

The next minutes, hours and days come with a ton of what ifs? But I’m not writing the script. Someone much bigger than I is in charge of that. With all my might I refuse to live in a movie, I’m going to simply live life.

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I voted today…

I voted today, it’s my right as an American. I’ve been taught that it’s my duty as a responsible citizen. I’ve also been told that it’s my RIGHT as a Christian.  Right as a Christian? When did Christian’s get rights?  Did the Constitution of the US void biblical principal?  I’m having a difficult time finding “We the people” in the bible. And I’m quite sure Legislate Morality is not the Eleventh Commandment. You can’t legislate morality anyway. Morality comes from within; it is based on your beliefs, it’s is part of your character.

I did some research this morning, as I thought it was important to be able to back up my beliefs.  I found a humorous chapter in Ecclesiastes that made chuckle.  The last verse of chapter 10 made me stand up and shout:

20 Don’t bad-mouth your leaders, not even under your breath,
And don’t abuse your betters, even in the privacy of your home.
Loose talk has a way of getting picked up and spread around.
Little birds drop the crumbs of your gossip far and wide.

 

I found a another group of verses in Romans;

[13:1] Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. [2] Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment.

For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.

Go figure, God’s still in control. Maybe this country doesn’t have a moral issue, perhaps the Christians who feel they have a rights just have a trust issue.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could make a law that requires people to trust God and be respectful. That would be fantastic!  Oh wait, there is one…Love the Lord your God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself… just when I think God needs my help in legislating morality, I find out He has it all covered.

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Glow Little Glow Worm

As we sat on the front porch watching the sunset, which by the way was fabulous, we were discussing a new author who we have fondly nicknamed Glowboy.  With so many references to the word GLOW, I began singing “Glow Little Glow Worm”, a song I learned in my early teens. My husband joined in and we sang one of the few duets we will ever sing. As we got to the end of the song, Austyn, our daughter, looked at us as if we had lost it.

“Are those the word to the song?” she asked.

“Yes.” I said confidently, “It’s what we were taught.”

I started the lyrics again, Jeff promptly joined me and Austyn shook her head and laughed.

Glow little Glow Worm glimmer glimmer

I know a guy that could be slimmer

Teeth bashed in and hair peroxided

In the moonlight he’s cross eye-ed

Ruffles on his panties

Blowing in the breezes

Just to show off his knock-kneezes

But I don’t care what people say

I love _(enter the name of your true love)_ anyway.

I figured I should do some research since I was now questioning myself.  I wanted to confirm what I had learned was accurate. Come to find out someone sold me the wrong lyrics. I’ve read the history of the song, listened to a few YouTube renditions. The real words are a bit odd, actually a little boring. It’s funny that I think the real lyrics are odd.

This made me wonder how many other wrong lyrics in life I have been sold.  I’m guessing several. I am aware of hundreds that I have had to research, rethink and relearn. I am certain that I will be sold many more. I can’t stop it from happening. I can’t stop believing. I can’t become one of those individuals who are unable to trust anyone; who are suspicious, assuming everyone is out to get me.

What I can do is a little research and decide for myself what is true. If I don’t do that, I am the fool who blindly believes. There is no rule that says I have to believe what is true. I can believe what I want; but in doing so I become the fool.

As far as “Glow Little Glow Worm” is concerned, I choose to be foolish. I like the lyrics I was sold. I called my mother and asked if she remembered the lyrics and she did, but they were the real ones. She pulled the parent excuse, “I did not know you were singing it that way.” I called my sister to have her sing the song to me. She also was sold the wrong lyrics.

The wrong lyrics made us laugh. The fact that they aren’t real made us laugh more. I’m sticking with the wrong lyrics. There are too many things in this life that do matter; areas in our life that we can’t be foolish. “Glow Little Glow Worm” is not one of them.

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Finding Imperfections

This little company I’ve created, is forcing me to face something I never thought was achievable. Perfection. I am in no way a perfectionist. In fact, I assume since people are involved with everything we do in life, there will always be a flaw. The fact that it is impossible to eliminate human error has helped me to focus on what has been achieved rather than what went wrong. I’ve never  been one to strive for perfection, excellence but never perfection. Perfection is unattainable as long as humans are involved.

I have been waiting almost 20 years to see a children’s manuscript of mine in print. It’s had a few rewrites, a handful of illustrators attempting to give it life. The completed book, Mr. Hobbins’ Beautiful Things arrived yesterday for my proofing. “It’s perfect, we don’t need to change a thing,” I told my designer. I excitedly handed it to my husband to read. Half way through the book he noticed a speck on one of the pages. “What’s that?” he inquired. “Nothing. Ink,” I responded. “No. It’s something,” he assured me.

Later in the evening I forced myself to look at the speck that had passed me by. It wasn’t just a speck. It was a single quotation mark floating on the far left side of the page. That can’t be, I thought, it must be a mistake on the printers end. I went back to the PDF on my computer, opened to page 14 and there is was. It sat right next to the three little specks on my dirty computer screen. A single quotation mark. Not close to any others. Not close to any illustration. Hanging out there all by itself creating imperfection.

Thinking of the chain reaction this single quotation mark was going to have, I honestly asked, “Do we have to fix it?” “Of course you do,” was my husband’s reply (he is a perfectionist, although he claims to go through life with low expectations, he’s much happier when it’s perfect). It took me a while to see the humor in this situation. This morning it is very humorous. In fact that floating single quotation mark has opened the door to make a few additional changes, making Mr. Hobbins’ just a little more perfect.

I expect the longer I’m in this business the better I’ll become at finding imperfections. I’m still striving for excellence, not perfection. No matter how many times I look, or how many eyes I have helping me, there will always be a single quotation mark floating on the perimeter that will force me ask, “Do I have to fix that?” Hopefully, I’ll always have someone close by to answer, “Of course you do.”