In my adult years I have always been intrigued by the “New Age” mentality. I say in my adult years because I clearly remember in my teen years being taught that the New Age Movement was satanic. Meditation was evil and if we allowed our minds to be quiet the devil would be able to take over, so we were always thinking. I have to say I believe our inability to be still and know (Proverbs ) comes from this fear of meditating.
When the book The Secret came out, I picked up a copy. There has been a lot of discussion about this book, for many it’s another big promise book; material gain is mine if I believe hard enough. First of all I do not think we can believe hard enough, either we believe or we don’t.
What I do appreciate about these books is the focus on how and what we say. If you stand back for a few moments and really listen to people talk you will be amazed at the amount of negativity that floods conversations; “Of course that would happen to me; I’m an idiot; Why does this always happen to me; It will never be my turn.” It is endless. The secret taught me how to speak and it changed me. For me it is not about the I want list, instead it is about In My Life statements.
I am really good at making statements such as: I’ll never do that again or I won’t let that happen again. When those types of comments are second nature it is very difficult to translate them into positive statements. I would joke that I was being very positive; I positively would never allow that to happen again. Either way, it was not working for me.
In My Life statements do not focus on the things I want in life rather these statements focus on the quality of life I want to live. For instance, there was a time I was very frustrated with the fact that I did not feel appreciated by my children. In the past I would make comments such as; they don’t respect me or why do I let them take advantage of me. My new way of thinking allowed me to change my focus:
In my life, my children respect and appreciate me.
Every time I became frustrated with either of the kids I would repeat this over and over to myself. In a very short time things began to change. To my surprise I began to receive sincere acknowledgement and words of appreciating coming from both of them.
I found myself in a job that I did not enjoy nor did I enjoy the people I worked with. It took me several days of asking myself to define what it was that I wanted in a job. The much deeper issue was that I did not want to work and I was feeling trapped as if I did not have a choice in the matter. I could not define my dream job but I could define the environment I longed to be a part of. I repeated this statement every night, every morning and whenever I found myself hating work.
In my life I choose to work and the work I do is fun and challenging, it allows me to be surrounded by people who are creative, happy and live balanced lives.
I found that after a short period of time my frustration level changed. By repeating this during frustrating times I realized that this was not where I wanted to work and I was not trapped. It was an amazing pressure release valve. I still was not trilled with the job but the overwhelming feeling of resentment towards working in general disappeared making the job much more tolerable. As I began to look for a new job I had already defined the environment I was looking for. It was very easy for me to say, this is not the right fit for me.
I desperately wanted my children to be financially responsible. Both were coming to the end their college days and true adulthood was just ahead. It amazes me how two children growing up in the same home with the same parents can deal with finances so differently. Austyn was overly concerned about money and Raun had never grasped the concept of a budget or checkbook. I had worried about this for several years and was obviously not making any progress with either of them.
In my life my children are financially responsible.
Repeating these words to myself helped me to see my children where I wanted them to be. I stopped focusing on Raun’s inability to manage his money and saw him as a responsible adult. Oddly enough he actually started to become that person.
There was a period of time I felt very vulnerable in my role as a wife. I had fallen into the trap of feeling responsible for everyone and I was not cared for.
In my life my husband provides for me.
That simple phrase allowed me to move into a new level of trust, respect and love for my husband.
In my life statements take time to developed. At first I would write and rewrite these statements over and over until I had removed anything that was negative. Words like won’t, can’t, no, never were so embedded in my vocabulary that I found myself having to work at making positive statements. It has now become second nature.
As I look ahead into 2008 I could easily get caught up in all that could go wrong. The timing required selling and buying a house, making the move and not having to rent. However, in my life real estate transactions are timely and profitable with no unexpected delays. I truly believe that and am excited to see how it plays out.
My children are both leaving the comfort zone of mom and dad and becoming spouses themselves. The list of what I could worry about is endless. However, in my life my children are developing relationships that will last a life time.
I am facing the reality of being a grandmother of three. The list of what to worry about is endless. However, in my life my grandchildren are safe, protected and well cared for. No exceptions.
In my life statements have changed my life. I write them down. I read them every time I feel a little unsettled. I say them before I go to sleep. In the midst of frustration, I recite them. When life has brought me to tears, I sit on my bed and read them over and over. When fear surrounds me and I feel helpless and I boldly proclaim them. And when they become reality …I write new ones.